Princess Jazz

My sister just moved home. We all went to get her and her stuff from her college residence. It'll be nice to have her here - not so quiet. She's only home for a week or two though and then she moves out again. She's a cook at a camp all summer so she'll be living there. It's probably best that we're not sharing a room all summer. I tend to get into her space and she's pretty territorial. Hopefully we get to hang out somewhat though. She's a cool kid.

Today was a good day. I woke up and five minutes later Kris called me. I was thrilled because I'd been hoping to see her today. An hour and a half later we were out driving across the countryside trying to find this funky craft store/place without a map or any real sense of direction. Surprisingly we only made one wrong turn and were able to find the place relatively quickly.

This place we went to is pretty cool. It's owned by a couple who like to make stuff. He makes sculptures out of tree trunks, a chainsaw, and odds and ends of junk. She paints. They live in a bright blue and yellow house in the middle of a forest. Their store is also in this forest, and all through the trees are paths and sculptures and gardens. There are two tiny little "houses" filled with comfy chairs, woodstoves, music, tea and cookies. Kris and I wandered the grounds and then sat and had tea and cookies. We felt like old ladies but it was fun.

After that we hooked up with Morgan and eventually Danielle and just hung out for a bit. It was good to be with friends. When I really miss Todd but can't see him, the next best thing is to be with Kris. She's a great friend. (I'm writing this because it's true but also because she told me today that she never wants to be mentioned on this site. Haha, dumb girl, you shouldn't have said that.)

Tomorrow is my first shift back at the restaurant. I've been working there 4.5 years now. It will be very good to be back in a familiar role. I love waitressing and I don't think I can imagine my life without it. Being able to say "I'm a waitress" has become such a part of my self-identity that I don't want to give it up. Ideally I'd like to find a part-time job in a restaurant in Ottawa in September on top of whatever hours I work for CH. Restaurants are so much fun!

Another random note: I started reading The Story We Find Ourselves In by Brian MacLaren last night. It's the sequel to A New Kind Of Christian. So far it seems as though I'm going to like it. I loved the first book so I expected to enjoy this one as well. I'm a bit apprehensive of his approach to the creation-evolution debate. I was always taught that evolution was all garbage so this should be interesting.

That's all I've got for tonight.

For the past who knows how long, I've been missing something. Or rather, someone. One of my girls, Morgan, has been somewhat distant, always preoccupied by other, sunnier, distractions. But now she's back. She informed me last night that she's planning on getting a life together here again and that she'll be more available this summer. I say Sweet Deal to that! I was a bit skeptical at first, but she came over last night and we went shopping today so it seems like this is for real. I'm happy, because I missed her.

Friends are good. Good friends are great. Great friends are even better!

I moved today. I did not enjoy it at all. I know it needed to happen - how can I ever move on in life if I can't let things go? - but that didn't make it much easier.

As I was driving away from my house, my car packed to the ceiling with all my belongings (of which I have way too many), I cried. I wasn't even sure exactly why I was crying at the time, but I had a while to think about it as I drove home in my radio-free car and I think I figured it out.

I'm scared. I'm scared of this new phase of life. Everything is changing and I don't know exactly what the future is going to be. I'm scared of being done school. As much as I hated it and complained about it constantly, at least it was easy. I could sleep in, I could skip classes if I felt like it. I didn't have to really take it seriously. But a job will not be like that. I'll have to be places on time, and I'll have to care and be consistent. I'm afraid that I'll hate that and then I'll long for school. And it really scares me that I might actually want to go to school again. I think I would feel like a hypocrite if that happened.

I'm also scared about leaving my friends. I fully intend on keeping in touch with people, and some people I know I will, (especially if it involved a "pinky swear") but things don't always work out as planned and so for that reason I am afraid of what will happen to my friendships.

I'm afraid of leaving my church and moving to a new city. Leaving my church is one of the hardest things about this transition. My faith has grown so much over the past few years and I do not want to lose that and slip back into the "easy" Christianity I used to know.

And I'm even a little afraid of this whole getting married thing. It's so different than where I am now. The wedding is stressing me out and I haven't even actively started planning all the little picky stuff yet. It's this huge production we have to put on, and people are going to come and watch and expect to be entertained, and I'm afraid I'll fail.

I need Todd to come home. Once he's here I'll have something stable to lean on. He's always been a constant solid force in my life and I know that once we're together again, life won't seem so frightening but will be exciting instead. Fortunately for me he's coming home this weekend. I think I can make it until then.

I'm still sad about leaving my former life, but I'm sure I can survive. : )

Todd is complaining that I never post on my blog (we're on the phone right now) so here is a post. I don't want to write much right now because I'm trying to maintain a decent conversation with my boy. So far it's consisting mostly of me yelling because Todd's making absolutely absurd remarks! He's such a friggin funny kid. I like him.

As an aside, you should check out my comment from my mom.... so cute. It's a couple posts down. What a good mother. : )

Sorry I haven't posted recently guys. I've been pretty busy. I've been writing exams, and debating studying. Not that I actually spent much time studying. ; ) Tonight is my last exam and then I will be FREE forever! What a good feeling that will be.

Something I've been doing a lot of is spending money. on food. I have gone out for food every single day for the past week. Which is why I picked up an extra shift at work tomorrow (at 7 friggin o'clock in the morning! aaah!) I need to justify all this spending.

Justin moved in on Tuesday, so I've had a fuller house than usual. It's been a pleasure so far. ; ) He made dinner for Cynthia and I yesterday and I was/am very impressed by his knowledge and skills in the kicthen. If he ever offers to cook any of you dinner - take him up on it!

Having a boy in the house has been cool in that it's making me really look forward to getting to live with a boy all the time. But it will be even cooler to live with Todd because we'll be married. I fully expect marriage to be superfun. At least at first. : )

I don't think I have anything else to say right now.... I should get back to studying.

I have a poodle on my lap. Her name is Chenille and she belongs to my mother. She used to annoy me but lately she hasn't been as bad. Todd is in love with her - absolutely and completely in love. It's cute. We may get a dog after we're married. I think I'd like that.

I had a jon interview this morning at a group home near my parents' place. It's a beautiful home in a beautiful neighbourhood. And the residents there sound amazing. Not many behaviour issues and not much lifting required. What a perfectly sweet deal. The Program Manager was pretty clear that I'm in, so I'll start the first week of May. I've always been so blessed in my job searches, but this may be the best yet. I love the organization I'm with and I definitely want to stay with them long term.

On that note - I can announce a decision I've made concerning next year. I'm not going to college in September. It was always iffy, but I was leaning towards going. I have now decided to work instead. I feel more at peace now that I've actually made a decision (Thanks to Todd for that.) and I think I'll be happier and generally less stressed.

This poodle is getting annoyed with me for typing - she's lying on my arms and trying to sleep but it's not working out very well for her. What a silly dog.

My dad's coming to pick me up anytime now, and I'll be going home for a couple days. Although packing and moving is not so good, there is one very very good thing about this trip home - Food. My mom's food is so good. And I am in need of some good food. I seriously need to put more effort into feeding myself. Hopefully having someone else to cook for will motivate me next year. I'm looking forward to getting to eat well for the next couple days.

Also related to good food - Justin's going to be staying at my place for a couple days before I move out and it officially becomes HIS place, and apparently he can cook well. Sweet deal.

That's really all I've got to say. Life's pretty boring right now - packing, studying, knitting. That's about it.

I hate moving.

I'm in the midst of packing up my stuff to take a load of it back to my parents' place tomorrow. This actually means that I'm currently kneeling (becsuse my chair is covered in stuff) in a pile of garbage/clean laundry I haven't folded yet/dirtylaundry that can't go in the hamper because it still has clean laundry in it/textbooks/other books/random papers/ boxes/and anything else random that could possibly be in this room.

What a mess.

This is (partly) why I hate moving. I find all this random crap that I don't currently have a use for but maybe, just maybe, I will need sometime in the future and therefore cannot just throw out. (Although I have thrown out a TON of stuff already tonight.)

Plus there's all my crafting stuff... oh wow is Todd going to get a shock when we move in together. I don't think he actually realizes how much STUFF I have. I shock myself every time I move.

One good thing - I found some old sticky candy that still tasted very good. Mmmmm.

I love iced tea. When I work at the restaurant I drink gallons of it. I learned something today though about my love for ice tea - although I do love drinking it, I do not like having it thrown at me. Yep, that's right, I had the privilege of having an entire glass of ice tea thrown at me at work this evening. I was soaked. And now I am sticky. I was soaked right through, so I had to work the rest of my shift feeling like I was wearing glue. Very sticky. Thus, I am now off to take a shower and get unstickied.

I was riding the city bus on Friday, and I was eavesdropping on a conversation between a man and his daughter. (She looked to be about 10 years old.) He asked her what she was doing in school, and she told him that she was reading a book about Albert Einstein. The man then proceeded to tell the girl all about Einstein and his Theory of Relativity. Obviously he was trying to impress the girl with his intelligence. It was cute. He was going on about the speed of light and how long it takes light to get from the Sun to Earth and other such facts, and then he asked her "but do you know what the only thing faster than light is?" Obviously she didn't know, so he enlightened her: "diarrhea...... diarrhea is the only things faster than light because when you have diarrhea you don't even have time to turn the lights on!"

There are going to be a lot of things ending in my life over the next few weeks. It begins today with the end of classes. After these next two classes this afternoon, I will be finished taking courses at this school forever. This is the end of my university career. Kind of exciting and kind of scary at the same time.

Next week I'll beginmoving my stuff out of my apartment. I anticipate that this will be harder to do than ending school. This place became my home, and although it was freezing cold, it was familiar and it was mine. There is some comfort in this transition though - I'll be back with my family for the summer and that will be a happy time, but the best thing about all this moving is that the next apartment I move into will be a real "home" because it will be with my own brand new family. As much as I have loved (most of) my room mates, I'm ready to live with someone who loves me. I'll feel much safer, and I'm sure that will make it feel more like home. I'm more scared of the city though - I think it'll take a while to get used to a new city and to feel like I belong there. But I'm confident that over time it'll be okay. I felt the same way when I moved from my parents' farm to here. This next move will be easier to handle because at least time I won't be going alone.

Todd kicked my butt.

I've arrived in Ottawa to visit my boy, and almost immediately he gave me my birthday gift. (We haven't seen each other since my birthday.) He MADE me a Scrabble set. MADE it! It must have taken hours upon hours to do, and it looks like it was very intricate work. I am impressed. Thoroughly. So.... if anyone wants to play Scrabble, I challenge you to a game. (But not until after I beat Todd a couple times ;) ).

The funny part is, Todd had me actually knit a couple pouches which turned ou to be part of my guft! He gave me dimensions and asked me to make the ouches so I blindly did as I was asked. They are now holding the letters, and the letter stands.

What a smart man I have. : )

I'm going to Ottawa today.... this is a good thing - BUT I missed my bus this morning, that is NOT a good thing. By missing the bus near my house, I am guaranteed to miss the bus from the university which, in turn, causes me to miss my Greyhound bus. Crap.

It's not the end of the world though - I can take the 11am bus instead of the 9:30 one. However, this next bus is not an express bus and so it will take an hour and a half longer than the one I was supposed to be on. Instead of taking 7 hours to get there, it will now take me 8.5. Crap. PLUS all the time spent on city buses just to get to the bus station. Since the 101 express stops running at 9am, I'll be spending considerably more time on city buses. Crap. I can't believe one little thing screwed my day over so royally. Crap.